How to Protect Yourself During Divorce

Protecting yourself emotionally & financially during the divorce process

Whether you file for divorce or are served divorce papers unexpectedly by your spouse, the period that follows can be a troubling and emotional time. Sometimes, spouses make inadvisable moves or take steps that can threaten their legal positions and spark conflict.

It is important to be prepared for this period by understanding the words and actions that could jeopardize a harmonious separation and the steps you can take to protect yourself during a divorce.

This will help you and your children look to the future with more confidence and financial security.

Divorces can start as “amicable” and, in the best-case scenario, remain that way throughout the divorce process. It is better for everyone involved. However, issues often crop up that increase the likelihood of disputes and conflict. These could be matters concerning finances, parental rights and responsibilities, or other matters.

Therefore, it helps to know the words and actions that can potentially be used against you by an adversarial spouse.

Social media posts

Spouses going through a divorce should be wary of social media posts, as every word can be used as evidence in court. Words can easily be twisted or taken out of context and used against you in a contested divorce case.

It’s OK to post birthday or holiday snaps on social media but it’s best to avoid commenting on anything concerning the divorce while the case is progressing through the Maine courts.

Bad-mouthing your spouse

Bad-mouthing your spouse to friends, family, and especially your children can come back to bite you and should be avoided.

Even if you feel hurt, betrayed, angry, or bitter, do not air these feelings in public or to your children—it could end up influencing a judge’s decision on parental rights and responsibilities.

Moving in with another partner

Life moves on after a divorce and both spouses may find new partners. Moving in with somebody else before the divorce is initiated or finalized, however, is not advisable.

In Maine, adultery is considered a fault-based ground for divorce, along with cruelty and abandonment. So, if a spouse moves in with another partner while still married, it could prompt a fault-based divorce, which is more complex for everyone. It may well count against you when the judge decides on matters like support, property division, and parental rights and responsibilities.

Concealing marital assets

In Maine, property division must be distributed equitably between the divorcing spouses. Before this can be attempted, spouses are legally obligated to provide full financial disclosure so that an accurate assessment can be made of the marital and separate assets.

Concealing assets is illegal and is highly likely to be discovered. Recklessly spending marital assets is also highly inadvisable. Both actions can count against you in the final settlement and intentionally hiding assets can even lead to a contempt of court charge.

Now you know the most important things to avoid doing during a divorce, what should you be doing? What steps can you take to protect yourself and your finances during a divorce?

Educate yourself about the Maine divorce process

Understanding what to expect from the divorce process in Maine can help prevent nasty surprises that lead to unnecessary anxiety and disputes.

Tensions may already be running high due to the emotional stress of divorce. If you know what to expect after the divorce papers have been filed, you can at least be more relaxed and prepared for what’s coming.

Consider staying in the family home with your children during the divorce process

Maine judges usually try to protect a child’s best interests by seeking a stable home environment. If possible, it is best to remain in the family home with the children so it gives the judge the “easy” option of preserving the status quo. By moving out of the home without the children, you may unintentionally create a new situation that the judge will be reluctant to change.

Ideally, make it clear to your spouse that he/she can leave the home but the children stay. However, if the other spouse also decides to remain in the home during the divorce process and this creates unacceptable tensions that begin to affect the child’s well-being, an alternative solution will be needed.

One solution may be to draft a temporary agreement with your spouse about who stays in the family home before the divorce issues are all settled.

Get a support system in place

Protecting yourself mentally and emotionally during a divorce is an important part of the process. Without the support of family and friends, life can seem quite bleak during a divorce, especially if you and your spouse have been married for a long time and have children together.

Family and friends can also provide practical support, such as looking after the children when you must attend court or mediation.

Some divorcing spouses seek professional help from a therapist. Others take comfort from the legal guidance they receive from their divorce attorney.

Attend mediation and try to settle

Having a judge decide the key matters affecting your family and finances should be a last resort during a divorce.

For most couples, settling a divorce through negotiation, collaboration between lawyers, or mediation is preferable to litigation and a court trial, which is often stressful, adversarial, time-consuming, and expensive.

Divorce mediation, with or without your divorce lawyers present, is generally considered the most effective way to settle divorce disputes.

Cancel joint credit cards and start separating finances

If you and your spouse have joint credit cards, either cancel them as soon as possible after the separation or remove your name from them (ideally with your spouse’s consent to avoid unnecessary disputes).

You may be held jointly liable for any debts incurred before the divorce is finalized. Start to keep finances separate from a known date. You may need to set up new, individual cards and accounts in your name only.

Immediately try to reduce expenses and run a credit report on yourself, so that you don’t miss any accounts you’d forgotten about.

Document everything and stay organized

Document all the aspects of the marriage that could affect divorce proceedings and start gathering key documents (paper or electronic versions) that may be required when settling matters like property division, spousal support, child support, and parental rights and responsibilities.

If you hire a divorce lawyer, he/she can advise you about the precise requirements, but start by collecting your birth certificate, diplomas, bank statements, real estate records, titles, deeds, tax returns, W-2 statements, and a record of all marital/separate property.

You’ll need to stay organized by making copies of important records, filing everything, and keeping a calendar of the key dates (hearings, meetings, mediation sessions, etc.). You might like to maintain a to-do list or a journal, especially if you need to document any history of abuse.

For legal assistance with any aspect of a divorce in Maine, speak to an experienced family law attorney at The Maine Divorce Group during an initial consultation.