Understanding the Impact of Divorce and Separation on Children

Everyone involved in a divorce—including the family law attorneys—should consider the well-being and future happiness of separating families, not just the legal situation.

Divorce and separation almost always involve intense emotions and upheaval for families with children. Sometimes, during disagreements and disputes, children are exposed to negative situations that could impact them more than people imagine. The effects on children can be subtle and are not always easy to discern, especially with younger children.

Parents who understand the potential impact of divorce and separation should remain alert to the warning signs. This can help them protect the children and avoid the most damaging effects of the upheaval as they navigate the divorce process in Maine. It may also help parents preserve the relationship in the best interests of raising their children together after beginning their new lives apart.

It has long been known that the changing dynamics within the family may leave children distracted and confused. Divorce rates have increased over the years, prompting some interesting research on the impact of divorce and separation on children.

Some selected highlights of this research include:

• Roughly 50 percent of American children will witness their parents’ divorce (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).
• Children have a 16 percent higher likelihood of experiencing behavioral issues if their parents’ divorce when they are between the ages of 7 and 14 (University College London).
• Divorce is associated with an 8 percent lower probability of a child completing high school, a 12 percent lower probability of college attendance, and an 11 percent lower probability of college completion (PNAS).
• Children of divorced or separated parents are 1.5 to 2 times more likely to live in poverty (World Psychiatry report).
• Children who have experienced divorce in the previous 20 years are more likely to participate in crimes, rebel through destructive behavior, and smoke or use prescription drugs.
• Children who have experienced their parents’ divorce are 2-3 times more likely to divorce in their relationships later in life.

These statistics highlight some of the long-term challenges faced by children during a divorce and separation. Now, let’s consider more of the specific potential negative effects.

Children who witness their parents’ divorce are susceptible to the following negative consequences:

Poor academic performance

Interruptions and distractions from their daily focus can mean that children of divorcing parents experience a decline in academic performance as a result of the separation. The more distracted children are by their parents’ separation, the less likely they are to be able to focus on their school work.

Withdrawal from social activities

Children are often affected socially by divorce. This can be due to the difficulty in relating to others, feelings of insecurity and being left out, or other disadvantages by not living with both parents. This can reduce the frequency and quality of social interactions.

Difficulty adapting to the changes

Divorce and separation may represent significant upheaval for the children as well as the parents. While some children are more adaptable to change than others, others may struggle with the new home environment, new family dynamics, a different school, a new set of friends, and more.

Heightened emotional sensitivity

Divorcing parents should be on the lookout for a heightened sense of emotional sensitivity in their children, possibly leading to behavioral changes. Feelings of loss, anger, frustration, and anxiety can cause a child to withdraw, act irrationally or “out of character”, lash out at friends, parents or others, or engage in destructive behavior.

Feelings of guilt

Sometimes, children blame themselves for their parents’ separation and divorce. Feelings of guilt are common in children affected by divorce, potentially leading to depression, stress, anxiety, and other mental health problems. Some children need counseling to aid their well-being during a divorce.

Health problems

In addition to the mental and emotional aspects of separation, physical health issues can affect children during or after a divorce. These often stem from the stress and anxiety caused by the separation and sense of loss, as well as a lack of good sleep quality.

We often hear parents talk about “staying together for the kids”. As noble as this pledge may be, is it always the best idea?

We’ve outlined the negative impact of divorce on children but it should also be recognized that, sometimes, a separation can be a positive for a child. For instance, removal from a toxic or unhealthy family environment can be a blessing as it can shield the child from further emotional trauma.

Sometimes, marriages don’t work out and become full of conflict, emotional abuse, or other negative scenarios that can be detrimental to a child’s well-being and development. Starting a new life in a more nurturing environment away from these toxic living conditions can be for the best.

In some cases, too, the family relationships improve once the parents live apart and away from the strained marital home. This can result in more “quality time” spent with each parent, which is usually better for the child. Separation can help to preserve the family relationship and promote a healthier and more amicable co-parenting arrangement, as contradictory as that may sound.

So, it’s not always best to stay together for the kids, especially if the risk of creating a toxic environment exists. A well-executed divorce handled with sensitivity and focusing on the child’s best interests can be a positive outcome for the child as well as the parents.

If parents fail to provide a nurturing environment in the best interests of their children during a separation or divorce, co-parenting education programs can be ordered by Maine judges to help prevent many of the long-term detrimental effects outlined.

The Intensive Co-Parenting Education (ICOPE) program lasts nine weeks and is designed for parents who have demonstrated to a judge or magistrate that a lack of effective co-parenting is negatively impacting their children. This is especially the case in high-conflict divorces or where communication between the parents has broken down.

Parents can request that the judge order this program if they recognize that improving their co-parenting skills would help their children. The program can help parents improve behaviors and actions in front of their children to promote a more nurturing environment.

If you need legal assistance with any aspect of a divorce in Maine, speak to an experienced family law attorney at The Maine Divorce Group during an initial consultation.