High Conflict Divorce: Key Signs and Challenges

Nobody sets out for a high-conflict divorce. Ideally, couples separate amicably with a negotiated settlement agreement and a divorce that requires minimal court intervention.

Unfortunately, a minority of separations end up in highly disputed cases that lead to prolonged legal battles in Maine’s family court system.

What are the main signs that your divorce could end up in conflict and the main challenges to prepare for? What should you expect from the divorce process? How can you resolve disputes and move on with your lives?

These questions and more are addressed below.

A high-conflict divorce involves hotly disputed matters that may become complicated by accusations of adultery, domestic violence, economic misconduct, parental alienation, etc.

Reaching a settlement agreement is challenging because of animosity and a lack of cooperation between spouses, so the case may proceed to trial, with a judge deciding on the disputed matters.

We have all seen these types of divorces in movies and TV shows. They can be emotionally and mentally taxing for all involved, especially if children are exposed to hostility.

The main characteristics of a high-conflict divorce are:

• Intense disputes over everything from marital asset division to child custody arrangements and support.
• Cases that last many months or even years, with prolonged legal battles that drain financial resources and cause considerable stress for the participants.
• Intense emotions may lead to verbal, emotional, or even physical abuse, as well as stress, anxiety, and even depression.
• A toxic environment for children of the marriage, due to frequent arguments, threats, or a refusal to communicate.
• Rash poorly considered decisions that are not in anyone’s best interests but are designed to “get back” at a spouse.
• Manipulative behavior by one or both spouses to try to gain the upper hand in the battle.

Thankfully, such high-conflict situations affect only a minority of divorce cases in Maine. Cases are usually resolved well before trial and, even if disagreements arise during a divorce, litigation can usually be avoided with legal representation.

One of the “triggers” for a high-conflict divorce is often unrealistic expectations by one or both spouses. The husband or wife expects certain assets, parenting/custody arrangements, or support amounts, and when these are not forthcoming during negotiations, disputes arise.

Some disagreements should be expected during discussions about separation, but underlying feelings of hurt, anger or betrayal can turn apparently solvable problems into full-blown disputes and hostility between the separating couple.

It is important, therefore, to start out with realistic expectations by understanding your legal rights and obligations. A basic grasp of the relevant divorce laws will be a firm foundation on which to build a more amicable divorce.

If you still find yourself in a high-conflict divorce, you can expect the following:

• A lengthy process with multiple court hearings and potential delays.
• Attempts to resolve matters during mediation or negotiation sessions between lawyers.
• Higher legal expenses due to the time invested in the case by your divorce lawyer.
• Potential hostility from your spouse that children may need protection or shielding from.
• False accusations from your ex-spouse as an attempt to gain the upper hand.

One of the main issues to address during a high-conflict divorce is often financial misconduct.

Both spouses are legally required to provide a full financial disclosure during divorce proceedings in Maine. When greed or emotions get in the way, there can be a temptation to try to skew the financial scales in one spouse’s favor. This behavior usually gets found out and often results in penalties for the offending spouse—but it does not prevent others from trying anyway.

Financial misconduct can come in many forms:

• Hiding assets and not providing full disclosure.
• Reckless or malicious wasting of marital assets.
• Use of marital income on an extramarital affair or an addiction (such as drugs, gambling, or prostitution).
• Intentional destruction of marital property.
• Selling or conveying property pending divorce.

If the court finds that one spouse engaged in behavior that constitutes financial misconduct during the divorce process, a judge may order the offending spouse to pay “reimbursement spousal support”. These payments are in addition to any other types of spousal support ordered, as they are intended to reimburse the recipient spouse for financial losses incurred due to the misconduct.

During a high-conflict divorce, a skilled divorce lawyer may take on multiple roles and is usually considered a valuable asset to have on your side.

For instance, in the above example of financial misconduct, a divorce attorney can protect your financial interests by investigating allegations and gathering evidence to demonstrate such errant behavior to the Court in support of a claim for reimbursement spousal support. This might involve uncovering the concealment of possessions or reckless spending, for instance.

Additionally, an experienced divorce attorney can assist with other complexities that often impact high-conflict divorces. Your lawyer will provide personalized legal advice, safeguard your legal rights, and clarify your legal responsibilities under Maine’s divorce laws.

Some of the areas that your divorce lawyer can assist with include:

• Collaboration and negotiation: The respective legal representatives for each spouse can meet to discuss and negotiate deals on outstanding matters without the emotional involvement of the spouses.
• Mediation: Some lawyers are trained mediators who can facilitate discussions between disputing parties to attempt to resolve the outstanding matters before a court trial becomes necessary.
• Representation in court: If mediation is unsuccessful and the case proceeds to litigation and a trial, your lawyer will gather evidence to build a case that protects your financial and parental interests.

Spouses can take certain actions during high conflict divorces to assist their lawyers in preparing a strong case.

For instance, it’s important to maintain clear, professional, written communication (emails, texts, etc.) to provide a trail of evidence, especially if key matters like child custody/parenting, property division, and support are contested. If you are trying to organize co-parenting, an app like Our Family Wizard can be used to document everything.

It’s best to keep emotions in check as much as possible. Avoid language that could deepen the conflict and never respond to provocation.

If your spouse engages in disruptive or abusive behavior, gather the necessary evidence but do not respond or “spy” on your spouse. A detailed log of hostile interactions and conflicts might be a good starting point, but speak to your divorce lawyer for advice about what to do.

In some situations, your lawyer may recommend mediation or another alternative dispute resolution method before litigation becomes necessary. As with any divorce, you should also gather the necessary financial information (bank statements, tax returns, asset breakdowns, etc.) for property division purposes.

Professional legal support is advisable for most divorces but, with high-conflict divorces facing complex legal issues, it becomes a necessity.

For legal assistance with any aspect of divorce in Maine, speak to an experienced family law attorney at The Maine Divorce Group during an initial consultation.