Do I Have to Force My Child to Visit the Other Parent?

Divorces can put a strain on family relationships, with conflicting emotions creating difficult circumstances, especially when children are involved.

Parental rights and responsibilities are usually shared as equally as possible between parents in Maine, which can confuse a child who must adapt to a new schedule and routine.

Some children refuse to cooperate with established parenting plans or court orders, making it challenging for parents to know what to do. If your child refuses to visit the other parent, how should you handle this?

Understanding your options can protect you and your child from awkward situations and legal difficulties.

Courts in Maine must be satisfied that adequate provisions have been made for the welfare of the children from the marriage before granting the parents a divorce.

This is usually achieved by the spouses submitting a parenting plan outlining their parental rights and responsibilities (or “custody” arrangement) and a parenting (“visitation”) schedule. Provided this plan is in the child’s best interests, the judge will usually approve it, and the divorce can proceed if all outstanding matters, such as property division and support, have been resolved.

Parenting plans are usually encouraged in Maine. The alternative is a judge deciding what’s best for the child. If the parents don’t agree on parental rights and responsibilities and/or visitation schedules, the judge hears evidence from both sides and then decides what is best for the child.

The judge will usually issue an order designating a primary custodial parent, with whom the child will normally reside. The judge will also issue a parenting schedule detailing when the child spends time with each parent, including during the school year, holidays, and school breaks.

Even if the judge awards parental rights and responsibilities to one parent (“sole custody”), the other parent usually retains rights to parenting time.

The parents are expected to follow the precise instructions of the court order but sometimes, reluctance to follow the order’s terms comes from the child rather than the parents.

Parents should not attempt to create divisions between their child and the other parent, even if they have sole custody. They should also be wary of any reluctance to see the other parent.

In shared custody arrangements, it is especially important to promote regular contact and a stable, nurturing environment for the child.

If your child is reluctant to visit the other parent, it may be worthwhile to find out the reason why. If the reason is relatively trivial, calmly encourage the child to cooperate with the scheduled parenting time. Otherwise, you could be accused of interfering with the other parent’s visitation, which can lead to contempt of court charges, fines, jail time, or even the loss of primary custody of the child.

If it is difficult to persuade your child to spend time with the other parent, the following steps can protect you legally:

• Inform the other parent: the parenting agreement may state how to communicate parenting issues to the other parent. If not, send an email or text message but make sure the communications are documented.
• Speak with your child: explain the importance of parenting time and obeying court orders and try to encourage contact. If possible, keep a journal of these discussions.
• Consider family mediation or counseling: taking more formal steps to resolve the issue can also be fruitful, both in promoting family stability and protecting yourself legally. Children may be more open to talking about their feelings with a counselor, while a mediator may be able to facilitate a commitment from the child to resume visits with the other parent.

In certain circumstances, mothers or guardians can file a petition in a district court in Maine to terminate the parental rights and responsibilities of a father. Most notably, these are:

• If the child was conceived due to an act of sexual assault
• If the parent has been convicted of sexual abuse of a minor
• If the parent has been convicted of incest

In most cases, if the offender was convicted of such crimes and the other parent requests the termination of the offender’s parental rights and responsibilities, the judge must order it. If the offender was not criminally convicted, the judge may still terminate the offender’s parental rights and responsibilities if enough clear and convincing evidence is provided by the petitioner.

If parental rights and responsibilities are not terminated, the judge must consider whether the nature of the alleged offense poses a risk to the child, along with other relevant factors, before ordering parent-child contact.  The order may include specific provisions to safeguard the child.

If a parent was convicted of offenses in another state, the other parent may still be able to petition the Maine courts for an order to terminate parental rights.

If a child was conceived due to the nonconsensual removal of a condom, can parental rights be terminated?

If a child was conceived due to the nonconsensual removal (or tampering) of a condom during sex, the victim may be able to petition the court for the removal of parental rights. However, the judge will need to consider whether:

• The nonconsensual removal or tampering with a condom indicates that there may be safety concerns for the child.
• It would be in the best interest of the child for the parent to receive any specific counseling or treatment.
• Termination of parental rights would impact the victimized parent.

Unfortunately, there are cases where the reason for a child not wanting to visit the other parent is the threat of abuse. If this is the case, make sure you document what your child says and any evidence that backs up the claims.

If the child’s claims are credible, seek legal advice. Your family law attorney may recommend requesting a temporary protective order from the court as soon as possible. This will deny the other parent access to your child.

If necessary, your lawyer can also help you ask the family court for a modification of the current custody and visitation orders, the process for which we will look at below.

If a child refuses visitation for a long period, with valid reasons, a custody or parenting order may require a modification.

Unless there are abuse issues at play, parents must abide by the original order as closely as possible after a request for modification is made, until a judge issues a new order.

Sometimes, parents understand the issue and work together for a new agreement or visitation schedule. This can be submitted to the judge for approval. If not, you’ll need to file a motion for modification with the court.

The judge will only issue a new order if there have been substantial changes since the original order was issued. A visitation or parental rights order cannot be modified just because circumstances are inconvenient or you disagree with its terms. Any modification must be in the child’s best interests.

Once children reach the age of majority (18 in Maine), they can make decisions for themselves, including refusing contact with the other parent. Before then, the parents are still responsible for the children. All parties to a court order defining parental rights and responsibilities and parenting time are expected to abide by the terms.

In practice, if a teenager expresses reluctance to visit the other parent, a judge may agree to hear the reasons why. This may be considered as a factor, amongst many others, in how the judge resolves the case.

If your child refuses to return to the primary custodial parent after a visit, follow the same steps outlined above to resolve the issue and protect yourself legally. Do everything you can to convince the child to go home unless there is an emergency or threat of abuse.

For legal assistance with any aspect of child custody or divorce in Maine, speak to an experienced family law attorney at The Maine Divorce Group during a confidential, initial consultation.