Hesitation Over Moving Forward with Divorce

People who know they need a divorce but haven’t moved forward yet often have valid reasons for waiting.

Cost, fear of changes to the family dynamic, anxiety about going to court, and hope that the marriage improves are all reasons that can delay the inevitable.

However, delaying a divorce can have negative consequences too. This post concentrates on what some of these consequences may be—and how couples can reach a decisive point about whether to file for divorce or not.

You may genuinely not be ready to divorce. There may be hope for the marriage, which is certainly a very good reason NOT to divorce.

Marriage counseling and couples therapy are two options available if you are in this position. Although the two terms tend to be used interchangeably, “counseling” is often shorter-term and focused on resolving a specific issue in the marriage.

Couples therapy, on the other hand, is often longer-term, can be more holistic, and may be more focused on repairing some of the more general mental and emotional challenges within the marriage breakdown.

The mere prospect of divorce can be challenging, emotionally and mentally, for couples. Uncertainty over the future can feel overwhelming and cause great anxiety.

Having the right support from friends, family, and professionals to navigate the divorce process throughout this period is essential for reaching a successful resolution that prepares you for a future life apart.

A seasoned divorce attorney can do much more than help you organize and file divorce paperwork. Preparing and filing legal documents for divorce is a necessary part of the process, but the legal advice and support provided by a divorce attorney can also be empowering. It’s important that you have someone helping you handle many of the practical matters that need addressing, while also protecting your legal rights.

Establishing whether your spouse has already hired a divorce attorney is essential when determining whether you can handle your own divorce.

Sometimes, people discover this when they are served with divorce papers by their spouse’s attorney. This “changes the game” and makes it unlikely that you can handle the divorce without legal representation.

Most people are not equipped to achieve a fair divorce settlement without understanding the relevant state laws if they are up against a spouse’s divorce attorney. Simple mistakes can have long-lasting consequences for one’s finances or parenting setup.

The bottom line is: If your spouse is represented by a divorce attorney, protect your rights by doing the same and don’t attempt a DIY divorce.

Couples should try to understand the basics of the divorce laws, their legal rights, and the divorce process in Maine before taking action.

To file for divorce in the state, you only need to cite “irreconcilable differences” between you and your spouse (a “no-fault” divorce). Fault-based divorces (based on adultery, desertion, or cruelty) are very rare these days in Maine.

No-fault divorces require no proof of any wrongdoing in the marriage, simplifying the process for spouses and the courts. You or your spouse simply need to have been a resident of Maine for at least six months before filing at the District Court where you live. Unlike in many states, Maine law does not require a minimum period of separation before filing for divorce.

Even if your divorce is “no-fault,” there may still be disputed matters. Property and debt division, child custody, child support, and spousal support are all sensitive matters that can prompt disagreements and disputes, leading to delays and extra expense.

However, with seasoned legal advice and alternative dispute resolution methods, such as collaboration and mediation, litigation can usually be avoided.

Contested and uncontested divorces

If spouses agree on all matters and are prepared to sign an agreement, this is known as an uncontested divorce. These are typically the simplest, cheapest, and least stressful types of divorce. After the papers are filed, an uncontested hearing will be scheduled, and the divorce can be finalized after a minimum of 60 days.

If the need to divorce—or any matters relating to the terms of separation—are disputed, it becomes a contested divorce. These divorces occasionally end up at trial, with a judge deciding what’s best. However, with the help of divorce attorneys, such stress and expenses can usually be avoided through negotiation, collaboration, or mediation.

Some couples delay a divorce because communication has broken down and they don’t know how to broach the subject with each other.

Preparation and timing are important here. Before you approach your spouse to discuss divorce, consider carefully when the discussion will be held, what you will say, and where you will meet.

Remain calm and avoid the “blame game.” Prepare to discuss your decision respectfully with your spouse, recognizing the priority of the children’s welfare (if applicable) while also remaining firm on the need to separate, if that is your decision.

If you’ve decided that separation and divorce are the best option, it’s time to start gathering the necessary documentation. The mere thought of doing this can be a strong deterrent but it is much easier with the guidance of a divorce attorney.

For instance, during the divorce proceedings, you will need to provide a complete and accurate overview of the marital finances (financial disclosure). This will require evidence of assets and debts, as well as information detailing incomes and earnings for marital property division, spousal support, and child support (if applicable).

Understanding what you will need can help you proceed with more confidence towards a fair settlement. The required financial documents usually include the following:

• Tax returns from the last three years.
• Bank account statements (personal and joint accounts).
• Credit card statements.
• Pay stubs.
• Investment and retirement account statements (401(k), IRA, pensions, etc.).
• Mortgage and loan documents.
• Insurance documents.

Also, prepare documentation relating to any business assets, properties, vehicles, or valuable collections held by either spouse, including deeds, titles, and appraisals.

Prepare any relevant legal documents, such as prenuptial or postnuptial agreements, wills or trusts, and powers of attorney or other legal directives. Also, prepare documentation relating to children of the marriage if applicable, such as birth certificates.

Divorce isn’t always the right thing to do, but delaying the inevitable when a decision has already been made can lead to problems emotionally, mentally, practically, and financially.

Unhappiness

Remaining “in limbo” can result in couples staying in an unhappy marriage and just making themselves more unhappy. This unhealthy situation can have negative emotional, mental, and even physical effects.

Exposing the children to negative situations

Children are generally best off being raised by both parents, but there are ways to do that even after a marriage breakdown and divorce without exposing the kids to unnecessary tension, conflict, and disputes.

If you and your spouse can separate amicably and create a parenting plan that focuses on the well-being of the children, this is usually preferable to staying together and constantly fighting.

Financial risks

In general, married couples are legally responsible for each other’s finances. Even if you have separated, moved out, and moved on with your life mentally, you may still legally be held liable for your spouse’s debts and could even be sued by creditors if you have not divorced.

Ultimately, the longer your finances are tied up with your spouse’s, the harder it becomes to unravel them and arrange a fair settlement.

Loss of opportunities

Financial uncertainty during a marriage breakdown can lead to a loss of opportunities for pursuing career advancement, investments, and so on.

Most assets accrued during a marriage are technically considered part of the marital estate that must be divided equitably upon divorce, according to Maine’s property division laws. The longer these uncertainties continue, the more there is to lose.

Spousal support consequences

Spousal support awards are partly based on the length of the marriage. If you delay a divorce, this could affect this aspect of the calculations and alimony decisions.

Also, if you have successfully lived apart for several years without claiming spousal support, it could be difficult to convince a judge that you need financial support when you finally decide to divorce.

Filing for divorce may or may not be the right option for you and your spouse, but if you’ve decided to divorce and delay without a good reason, unintended legal consequences may result.

For legal assistance with any aspect of divorce in Maine, speak to an experienced family law attorney at The Maine Divorce Group during an initial consultation.